Iain Banks Culture 03 The State of the Art

Odnośniki

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IN
reduced demand NEW CUTS IN catchment area NEW CUTS IN revised priorities NEW
CUTS
IN community care NEW CUTS IN susceptible to a wide range of NEW CUTS IN NEW
CUTS IN
CUTS IN SURGICAL ... Research Grant will no longer be referred to as a 'lump
sum' and this latest mark of kidney machine - the twelve-inch dance re-mix
laser guided precision munition version - can scatter hundreds of these tiny
kidney-stone size machinettes over an area the size of a squash courts cricket
pitch golf course, breaking up breaking up an enemy kidney failure while it's
still in Warsaw Pict territory (oops, sic) go for it honey.
VIII:
What Free World
LOONY LEFT BLACK LESBIANS WITH AIDS BAN
ENGLISH IN NURSERIES
ANOTHER
MAGGIE SLAMS "ENEMY WITHIN"
ANOTHER TRIUMPH
"SORRY KIDS, YOU'RE WHITE"
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR
BASTARDS!
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR BRITAIN
ANOTHER BLOW FOR LABOUR
UNEMPLOYMENT DOWN AGAIN
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR BRITAIN
ANOTHER TRIUMPH
LABOUR PLANS SCROUNGERS' CHARTER
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR
35,000 JOBS TO GO IF LABOUR WIN
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR
CHEERS, MAGGIE!
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR
(RECORD PROFITS)
ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR
US
GOTCHA!
IX
: Rapid Ear Movement out of ten children below the age of six regularly have
nightmares about nuclear war
I sed it provides jobs, dunnit, an he sez
'So did Belsin and Outshwits; them cattle trux didn't drive themselves you no;
somebody had ta bild the camps and put up the electric wire and keep the
showers hosed down; tok to me about hard wurk once you've spent all day
supervizing frowing bodies into furnaces'
Iknow "Ow, ullo Fritz; wotcher doin theez daze?" "Well, Kurt, am on a Reich
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Retraining
Scheme, ineye?; pulling gold teef outa ded Jooz." Iknowbutprovides jobz
alright Six million?
Don't make me larf that's just one city Iknowbutwhat gas was quick compared to
radiation sickness
Iknowbutwhatcan There was this sick cunt made lightshades outer ther skin but
at
Hiroshima they woz just shadders on the wall
Iknowbutwhatcanyou makes yer fink, dunnit? Iknowbutwhatcanyoudo? course that
labour lot would just let the Rushins march right in and you got ta defend
yourself, intya?
X
: The History Of The Universe In Three Words (sic)
THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE
ONE
Bang!
TWO
sssss ...
THREE
crunch.
THE END
XI
: The Precise Nature Of The Catastrophe
WELCUM TO THE FEWTCHIR makes yer makes yer fink makes yer course that labour
lot would just makes yer fink makes yer na it's true I read it in the paper
(sic) RED MENACE
makes yer fink SPENDING na don't scratch it it'll never get better (sick)
march right in march march march right in makes yer fink course there'll be
spin-offs KILL AN ARGIE AND
WIN A METRO I sed go for it honey KILL A look after number one and KILL A you
got ta defend yourself KILL A KILL A fst fd KILL KILL KILL A COMMIE AND it
makes you kicked im in the kidnie machines ATTENTION: you got ta SPENDING MORE
defend yourself got ta defend your CHALLENGER BOMBS CHERNOBYL WITH LASER
GUIDED AIDS self, SEVENTY-
THREE SECONDS OVER CAPE CANAVERAL TWELVE MINUTES OVER TRIPOLI ONE HUNDRED
THOUSAND YEARS OVER NORTHERN EUROPE, intya? ATTENTION: oh well scratch another
power station scratch another planet fst fd I sed ARMING intya? GROWTH without
INDUSTRY
without due GROWTH GROWTH GROWTH INDUSTRY without due care and SPENDING MORE
THAN you got ta defend SPENDING MORE THAN EVER defend your Tax Free GROWTH
INDUSTRY without due care and ATTENTION: ARMING SEQUENCE ta defend yourself,
intya?
just let them Rushins ATTENTION: ARMING SEQUENCE INITIATED fst fd Course fst
fd you
got ta defend yourself fst fd NO ONE LIKES TO THINK the curtains closed all
day fst ds
ATTENTION (homeowners only) NO ONE LIKES you got ta NO ONE LIKES TO
(Intrusion:)
you got ta ATTENTION: Will not damage carpets ATTENTION: I said ATTENTION: fst
fd
ATTENTION: fst fd ATTENTION: NO ONE LIKES TO defend your SPENDING MORE THAN
EVER
BEFORE self, intya? I sed go for it ATTENTION: ATTENTION: ATTENTION: Message
Ends defend defend defend yourself, intya? you got ta defend you - ullo, wot's
that bright l-?
ATTENTION:
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[EMP]
(sssss ... )
XII
: The End
THE END
Footnotes
1: Just a less precise re-statement of Sturgeon's Law. - 'The Drone'
2: About ten thousand, of course. Ms Sma's mental arithmetic never was too
hot. - 'The
Drone'
3: This is an extremely strained translation, but it's the best available.-
'The Drone'
4: Effectively untranslatable. - 'The Drone'
5: Another tricky one. Ms Sma keeps on using words there is no direct English
equivalent for. - 'The Drone'
6: Sma refuses to choose between British English and American English. This
would be
'randiest' in British English. - 'The Drone'
7: The word Sma insists upon using is exactly midway in meaning between
'common' and
'vulgar'. Take your pick. - 'The Drone'
8: I think this jars abominably, but herself disagrees. - 'The Drone'
9: Ms Sma is confusing matter transmission (sic) with trans-dimensional
displacement of a remotely induced singularity. I despair. - 'The Drone'
10: Actually, Sma was talking to a ship-slaved tray carrying drinks, but she
thinks it sounds silly to say she was talking to a tray. - 'The Drone'
11: The following speech - sourced from the
Arbitrary
's own files - has been rendered as accurately as possible. Mr 'ndane's
grammatical eccentricities are difficult to reproduce in
English. - 'The Drone'
12: I thought the phonetic equivalent was better than something strained like
'horsoid'. -
'The Drone'
13: See; I told you. - The Drone'
14: Sma uses a relatively equivalent play on words here. - 'The Drone'
15: Ha! - 'The Drone'
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